My first triathlon was Malibu. I signed up for the classic distance, consisting of an 880-yard swim, a 17-mile bike ride, and a 4-mile run, and it was scheduled for Sunday, September 26, 2021.

I realized I hadn’t been in a pool in years—and I wasn’t good at swimming to begin with. I’ve never considered myself an athletic person, in fact, quite the opposite. Growing up, I didn’t play sports, and I wasn’t naturally strong or physically adept.

Learning to swim as an adult was a completely new and challenging experience for me. On May 9, 2021, I attended my first swimming lesson, feeling confident that I would do well—until the instructor started giving me drills. “Breathe on one side, now the other. Keep your legs up. Kick from your hips—like this! That’s better but now lift your elbow.” After just fifteen minutes, I was completely gassed out! I am sure I swallowed a gallon of pool water on my first lesson. What have I gotten myself into? I thought in despair.

After my first lesson, I asked the instructor if I would be prepared for my race. She assured me that I would as long as I stayed consistent. I followed her advice and continued practicing whatever little I knew, along with the new drills she taught me. Shortly after, I found out that Malibu Triathlon offered swim clinics for participants in their fundraiser, which raised funds for Children’s Hospital. That’s how I ended up at my first swim clinic on August 7, 2021. It was held in Zuma beach, and if you’ve ever been there, you know the water is wild and unpredictable.

On that fateful day, I joined the beginner group, where we were taught techniques like ducking and diving, entering and exiting the water, and counting wave sets. I panicked—and ended up swallowing twice as much water as I had in the pool. It was a rude awakening, and I felt completely unprepared for the race. The waves were gigantic, relentless, and aggressive—I’m probably exaggerating but that’s how it felt. While I managed to duck and dive, I couldn’t get past the break. It was overwhelming!

It was then that my battle with open water swimming began. Or rather, the battle with myself. I continued going to the swim clinics, they had an incredible group of instructors and lifeguards. I knew I was safe. I felt completely alone and helpless. I couldn’t put my face in the water, and the second I lost contact with the bottom, panic took over. My hands flailed desperately, and my breathing spiraled out of control.

I left each swim clinic feeling more defeated and anxious than before. With the race fast approaching, I didn’t feel ready for the swim portion. I kept up with biking and running, but the fear of the swim lingered in the back of my mind. It was a battle of me against myself. I had to trust myself. I had to let go. I had to be brave. It seemed simple enough, yet simpler said than done.

The race finally arrived, and as I stood at the starting line, I was overwhelmed with nerves. The waves looked wild and unpredictable! To make matters worse, I watched how the other athletes entered the water and instantly knew I was not at their level. Once I went in, I was soon smacked by faster swimmers, and the waves pushed me back. Ducking and diving was pointless as I couldn’t get my breathing under control. Then, one of the lifeguards who had helped me in the swim clinic said, “I’ve seen you at the clinics, I know you can do this. I’ll help you get past the break, then keep swimming—don’t stop!” That was the push I needed. He guided me under the waves, and once I made it past the break, I was on my own, and one of the last swimmers in the group.

The 880-yard swim turned into 1,100 yards, and it took me 45 minutes to complete. I wanted to give up many times, but I kept pushing forward, repeating to myself, “You’ve got this!” I remember asking one of the lifeguards, “Am I the last one in here?” She replied, “No, there are still two or three people behind you.” When I finally exited the water, I was relieved. I knew I had conquered the hardest part of the race.

This is what “digging deep” really means. I’m so glad I didn’t give up, because if I had, I wouldn’t be where I am today. That day I faced one of my biggest fears and learned a valuable lesson about not giving up.